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Friday, January 13, 2017

What's in my name?

Long time... i returned to my blog, my passion of writing my heart out, sing my heart out, smile my heart out :)

It's been about two years i added a surname to my name or you can call self-christened myself. Those days very very few people added the name Shivanand to their name. After that i read and heard and saw many times the different definitions given for one choosing to add their Guru or lineage's name. Call it a fancy or a "the thing" going on, i was but sure that whatever reasons one did, that heart must surely be carrying a lot of love.

For me it was not a "one fine morning decision", it was a very, very personal thing. i had previously also thought many times to add the name of my Guru, but something pulled me back. i would like to share what was that. It was certainly not because i lived in the vicinity of my Guru. I have been around Him for two years before that too.

The path of truth and love and light is not as easy as it's spelling or pronunciation. Since i time i came in the vicinity of the Siddha master, i have been battered and bruised, because He is fire that burns all unwanted stuff in you. Easier said than done, there were many moments i dangled in thin air undecided. It is not that your karmas say bye bye to you when you walk to your Guru. You carry them with you. The only difference is that you are aware now of its effects. The struggle was on. Struggle of the ego, struggle of the conditionings, struggle of impulsions, and phew... so much. Now where on earth would one even think of a name or sirname at such times. When everything within and without is undergoing a trashing. A trashing of fight between the dark and light. Life can be simple but we choose to make it difficult not because we want it to be difficult but because we feel that being difficult is the easier way out. So when the first heavy round of battles were found between my dark forces and the Guru's forces of light, i fled. i fled Him. So when you flee from something, how can you even fix that something's name with your name. But then, that was a part of the game too. And when the sun shone one morning, i realized why my soul was fleeing.

It was because of COMMITMENT. Lack of commitment was the nailed reason. And then i kept looking at all the past reels of my life as a failed student. But in that review, i saw something very beautiful. i saw how He was just what He was. The unconditional love that He preached was not false. Irrespective of what i thought and what i did or what i decided, He had just divine love, light and prayers. There was something very subtle about Him that could never be seen through the physical eyes of His red-robed human embodiment. Whenever i saw that divinity and wanted to exclaim, He would brush it away and act even more human, sometime more brutal. It seemed like He wanted to prove my eyes and logic right. All i could do was stare in confusion. i was thinking that He
was missing opportunities of proving His divinity to a confused student. There were so many times when i witnessed His divinity and for once wanted Him to confirm that for me, and each time, He made it very clearly feel as though nothing had happened. Determined further when i tried to make something out of it in words, He changed the topic or laughed making me feel foolish. i must say, there are enough elements in this world, enough information and enough talks and happenings in this world to create doubts on your path, but here was a Master who was building it Himself for me. He created situations around me that put me into all kinds of questions and doubts, and when i sought mercy towards His compassionate eyes, He gave me all the love but never answered any questions or doubts. Rather at my every such attempt, He Himself created more, sometimes in mysterious ways and sometimes by Himself becoming a stone. But all through this, i never stopped seeing the wonders He did and beautiful mystical things that kept happening. That was when i realized that it is this quality that charmed not just me but millions. The light that shone through everything and took care of everything yet unwilling to explain.

It was in those hours that i knew i had to commit and keep my eyes glued to that light and not to the dark shadows created by that light. i had eluded commitment like a bunking student. To become a doctor you commit to medical schooling and receive the tittle "Dr." that reminds you all the time of your commitment for the ailing. A military man's tittle glues him to his responsibility. i had decided by then to add the name of my Guru. For me His name, is a commitment. Not an announcement to the world, not any achievement, not any status, it is a crude reminder of a commitment, not just to the path but to the larger causes too, more towards my own soul agenda. It makes me feel more responsible. It makes me feel more connected. It makes me feel one with the Master. It is never a compulsion for me. It's beyond the understanding of logic because it rather sounds funny. A Christian name and a so-called non-Christian name. My Master never bothered about my name or beliefs ever, When He has embraced all religions, will He not embrace those who follow it too? If He can embrace it what big is my embracing His name? i belong to a proud lineage of great Masters, whom i have not followed in any blind belief but through my own deep experiences. When i embrace Shivananda i am also embracing Nityananda, Jagannatha, Gorakshnatha, Matseyendranatha, Digambara. Then it doesn't matter anymore to a doctor whether you tear his qualification certificates or you strip the medals and tittle of an Army man. He will still be a doctor. He will still be a military man. Both in heart and blood.
Shakespeare uncle said it right, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." So what if i add a tittle of Shivananda or Nityananda or any name, light is light and light is contagious. So my personal choice to link with a name of light that keeps me reminded of my goal.



So, of all the definitions i saw around when people added the name name of their Guru to their name, my heart only smiled because i knew whatever the viewpoint, knowingly or unknowingly the individual had committed to love and light. To a path of light. A commitment of "allowing" to be guided and trained by the Master in every step of life. i see this as a very, very difficult step because you can confront raised eyebrows and all stuff you can't even imagine. Difficult step because it would make you committed. Then you can't run. You can't fake anything because now will be looked upon as a quality of that. Your expectations would be that. It's like a commitment towards entering a relationship where commitment may still be difficult or indecisive because of the consequences.

For me, adding the name of your Guru or lineage does not necessarily makes one a true Shivananda, but it does make you tread on the path, train yourself, practice, fall and get up and more of all keep going. For me, the name is a motivation. Just like to reach the divine the form is needed in the beginning to reach the formless, the name too is just a beginning of that sacred ritual. It may be shed today or tomorrow or whenever. But that would be on the realization of rose being a rose, when any of the names smell the same way. Divine Love and Light :)

Note: i have written this in one go and so there may be grammatical errors or English errors but am nevertheless not bothered to make any corrections as it has come straight from the heart and i wish to keep it that way. Don't know if the whole thing may be understood or not, but if it does - am glad it served the purpose. Stay blessed :)


Sunday, July 12, 2015

Who will give me what I want?

Someone asked me why people leave one Guru and go to another? Why they try one practice and seek another? Why has someone left from somewhere and come to my Guru? i mentioned that it is not in the coming and going that is going to help but in the doing. Is one doing... whether coming or going? Doing refers to working on oneself.
Karma is something that is entirely my creation, be it something that i realize or something forgotten. Every single incident and every single moment is unbiasedly one's own returns. Maya is the illusion that gives a feeling that things happen to us due to something or someone. It gives us a clear-cut feeling that everyone or everything other than myself is responsible for what i am going through today. This leaves a scar of deep hurt and injustice or anger and resentment. It makes us blame. At such times, we forget, thanks to maya, that the Guru has absolutely nothing to do with anyone's karma. He is untouched and unperturbed by anything. He is in that state of oneness at all times and blissfully stays in it. All who come to Him and all whom He reaches out to has just one reason - to help. He has helped himself, now He continues in a physical body just in order to help. It is entirely up to a seeker whether to accept it or not. He is untouched by who comes to Him or who goes away from Him. All Gurus are this way. Leaving one and catching another are ways of the third dimension. Dislike someone, ditch and find another. Not happy with a cell, discard and buy a new one. Takes time to cook; order a pizza. Bored with books, on the TV, bored with a channel, flip the channel, bored with TV, plug into games, bored with games, get on to Facebook, bored with FB, whatsapp, bored with the cell, go for a movie, boring film, eat out or "freak out" or "chill out" and if bored with life, find a Guru. Not this one, then that one. The mind is constantly in a habit of leaving one and catching another, never ever satisfied or still or settled. There is a constant craving to do something, be something, know something, learn something, feel something, experience something, find something, endless....
I told my friend, this is what compels one to keep the search on for eternity into finding something that never be found outside. Now, the Masters are all aware of it but none of them are really perturbed or concerned. Their only concern is your well-being and your upliftment out of the repeated births in which the soul is put to endless suffering. All they attempt to do is to get one out of this drama of illusion. They are nowhere in the game, for they are themselves witnessing the entire drama and waiting to pull the curtain down before God does. No Master gains if someone goes to them and no Master loses if someone leaves them. They are fine because they see beyond this all, but they know that their disciples' minds are unripe that will only add up to more confusions.
Master are not responsible for the karmas created by individual souls, whereas it is a misunderstanding when one goes to the Master that the Master is now responsible for their baggage. True that Masters help one carry the baggage or to get rid of it eventually, but never that any Master is simply waiting to keep pulling off people's baggages off their shoulders. They have special ways to ask you to drop your baggage, but again the decision to drop still remains with the individual, no Master enters the freewill of an individual to take decisions for that individual. The interesting thing is that even for one to drop one's baggage, one must first become aware of the baggage and even realize and accept that this is a baggage that was picked or accumulated by himself and that it is heavy and effort must be made to shed it. Only this responsibility and acknowledgement can actually even make one move to take off the baggage and even attempt to put it down. Otherwise, the misery will be in carrying the baggage from one place to another hoping that it vanishes.
Maya gives a feeling that our own inappropriateness is the responsibility of God or Guru. This makes one think that if one goes to a Guru, all His karmas and all His wrongdoings are for the Guru. With this arises a lack of responsibility for oneself. There are many new who come to a Master from other Masters and there are many who leave one and go to another. In both the ways of transits what is forgotten is wherever i go, still carry my karmas with me. As long as my karmas are there with me, i will be undergoing or have to undergo those consequences no matter how many Gurus or practices are changed. Until the responsibility fully seeps on owning one's own deeds and owning one's own consequences, there are grim chances of succeeding from those situations, because the blame game is still pointing to someone else. How can i work on honesty if i don't ever accept that i lie? How can i overcome anger if i dont ever want to think that something within me is triggering the anger? How can i work towards humility if i never want to even know if i have pride in me? Anything and everything that has to be gotten over in me, has first to be accepted and acknowledged, then only it can be worked upon. Otherwise, with outwardly pointed fingers i only can move round-and-round on this entire planet seeking solace and finding nothing but more confusions..Just ponder over this simple thing - Why is that under the same teacher one student excels and another fails? The teacher to blame? Why is it that under one parent one child is a divine soul while another is a criminal? Parents to blame? Why is that under the same Government one sector is flourishing while another one collapsing? Government to blame? Why is it that one child is hopeless even with the best of facilities and another child excels by studying under a lamp post? Circumstances to blame? Why is it that you hate someone while others have no issues with that someone? Is it the person to blame?
Changing parents, teachers, governments, countries, jobs, relationships and even Gurus will not guarantee until what has to be undone is done as per the prescriptions that a Master offers. Because what we tend to forget is that even if relationships change, Governments change, or whatever changes, we will still remain miserable if we feel the cause of our being miserable is due to someone outside. We have been seeking instant gratification from the world. Want to reach somewhere quick, take a cab or a flight and content. Want to eat something make a call and get food right into your plate. Want something from the stores, send the servant to get it. Feeling bored, call someone. Feeling tired, take a power nap. Get a work done real quick, bribe. For receiving favours, flatter. Angry with someone, curse. Someone did wrong to me, punish. Want a remedy, break a coconut. Even God isn't spared from the instant gratification requests that if not received real quick like a ready-to-compensate pizza company on late delivery, one is ready to trash out on God itself. One can become as miserable with God as one becomes to a late-responding waiter. Not even Saints are spared from this syndrome. i received a mail few days back after someone read my travel blog posts and asked me to-the-point to tell him quickly which Siddha or saint should he approach to get blessings so that he gets married soon. His mail also was very demanding and felt like he does not really like delays in replies. Are enlightened beings wish-fulfilling machines? 
Not that they are not capable of it but what one makes of them! All great masters have always said that noone asks them what they should be asking. Baba has said this earlier that one does not want to take what He actually wants to give. Bhagwan Nityananda before leaving His body said, "Everyone comes here for money and only money. The more they are given, the more they seek; there is no end to their greed. When they come they are pedestrians sometimes without a proper dwelling place; and when they get the necessities, then comforts and luxuries are demanded: a car, a bungalow, and so on. When earlier prayers are granted in the hope that contentment would follow and that they would then seek higher values, another demand is placed in a never-ending series of wants and desires." And, people end up visiting great beings to only get something out of them and here also when there is no instant gratification the blame is left there and one moves to the next easy and fastest possibility. Something that will never happen. Never happen because where it can happen is not tickled at all, but all fingers still point outside.
All this is not something that we began doing recently, but it has been from the time we screamed in tears when our parents did not gratify us our instant needs, be it getting spoon-feed as an infant or in not being handed over a toy when we demanded it. The habit continues throughout the lifetime. And same approach towards spiritual practices or Masters. No Master gives instant gratification. Even if that happens rarely, it is not common to all. There are many binding karmic factors behind that too. What one can receive it is not at all possible that other also receive it in the same fashion and same time frame. Just because of the simple fact that everyone's karmic structures are different. Not everyone is alike. Comparing brings up more troubles to the already troubled minds - Comparing oneself with others. Comparing one's Guru with others. Comparing one's parents, relations, friends, and others. Everything is different in every way. What i fail to see is that i am also different. My karmic structure and my life are different and unique in a way. So if that is so, how can i ever compare myself with others. This realization must dawn to even begin the process of accepting oneself. Accepting myself the way i am brings contentment. Then my vision becomes more inward than outward. When inward only then the contemplation can begin. Only then i will look into my flaws, into what is wrong within me and finding ways to overcome it or correct it because then i know the problem is there and by looking within i know the solution is there too. That is why Baba always says You are the problem and you are the solution. Solution cannot come when my vision is outside because when outside, it will only hunt for the flaws of others, it will even hunt for someone external to blame for one's inner conflicts or problems. What can any Guru, any parent, any Government, any religion, any practice, any location do in this case? Like, if one has not learnt a lesson in a failed relationship a new relationship is only going to highlight it at the next opportunity. No matter how many relationships one changes, he will remain miserable. Everything outside reflects our inside. So, when we blame anyone, if we just ponder over a while, it will be revealed that that is the exact flaw that is in me... what i am seeing outside.

When one goes to a Guru, it is not the external Guru who is going to embrace him and clean him up just like that. He will activate the inner Guru within you and then work through that. And again, this will happen only if one is willing to, for no Guru interferes with freewill. Masters are off all the karmic games, they are all one at a different perspective and level. They have not arrived to play more games but to relieve each who are still playing it. This is what was mentioned before that it is not in the coming and going of a seeker to a Master, but it is the doing that will help and for doing one must stay still. Still in whatever one trusts, accepts and loves, but Gurus are no tools for experimentation, none of them smile emoticon

As disciples, whether or not we do our tasks sincerely, they will all keep doing their jobs sincerely for they do not understand our way of thinking and working for they operate at a different level, not very easily perceivable to the logically arguing and doubting mind. Though they look like us and talk and live like us, they do not think the way we do, but we end up interpreting them in the way we think because we are unable to think the way they do smile emoticon


So, all these things do not really matter to them. The enlightened Masters have nothing to lose, but we have - if we do not contemplate and understand really as to why they are here, and even more importantly, why we are here. The mind will easily fool into a lot of things until we understand these two very important things. Why they are here and why were are here. Ponder over this - when they are here, are they doing their work in all circumstances and at all times? You will see it is YES. Now, ponder - are we doing our work in all circumstances? ______????? 

Calm. Relax. Accept. Settle. Be content. Relish. Receive.

Gratitude to Baba. Namah shivay. Divine Love and Light.

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